Royalty Humorists Gifts

'Instead of a knighthood, Sire, could I just have the money instead?'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"All rise."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

King and clown engage in role reversal.

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"King of what, exactly?"

'What's the point of being king of the dogs if I still have to fetch his slippers?!'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

King reaching for an apple

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

"He's a Prince Charles Spaniel."

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'