Romantic Struggles Gifts

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

Life is for the birds.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

"See how controlling he is?!"

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

Unmanned drones.

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Wedding Wellies

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"When you promised me a lift home...."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing