Romantic Struggles Pillows

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

Life is for the birds.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"See how controlling he is?!"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

Unmanned drones.

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

Wedding Wellies

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"When you promised me a lift home...."

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."