Romantic Rivalries Gifts

Thirty-two. Pardon? The number of babes I've necked with this summer. Thirty-two. Twenty-nine if you count sisters only once 'cause they're in the same family. You hate me. I hate you!!!

'I've thought it over. No use us fighting and if you want her you can have her.'

"Of course I'm jealous of your last girlfirend Barry, have you seeen the hunk she's with now?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

The Alpha Seltzer

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

"Eat my dust!"

'The grudge match.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'Uruguayan? - No, he's from Scotland.'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

Harbaugh bragging rights 2043...

Wedding Wellies

'I warned him about watching the game at the opposition's pub.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

'Bad news: the report says it's cheaper if cats make it...'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'You know my limits, don't you?'

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

'Wow! Who knows what eroticism lurks in the heart of a sister.'

We should talk...

Mr. Chester's diplomacy