Romantic Rival Whisperer Gifts

'A bit?!'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Remember, she had twins, so I go in first, and then you follow about 3 minutes later."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

Relationship Issues.

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

'He's never there for me.'

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"Living brings up a lot of issues for him."

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

Interpreters.

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

'She thinks I'm always trying to put her down, but what does she know?'

'Our competition is quite energetic.'

'It's silly to jump at the first man who comes along.'

"Ever since I got married women find me attractive."

Marriage Guidance: 'Next!'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.

"Roommates"

"I don't believe I'm having this conversation."