Romantic Rival Whisperer Pillows

'A bit?!'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Remember, she had twins, so I go in first, and then you follow about 3 minutes later."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

Relationship Issues.

'He's never there for me.'

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"Living brings up a lot of issues for him."

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

Interpreters.

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

'She thinks I'm always trying to put her down, but what does she know?'

'Our competition is quite energetic.'

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Ever since I got married women find me attractive."

"I don't believe I'm having this conversation."

"Roommates"

Marriage Guidance: 'Next!'

'It's silly to jump at the first man who comes along.'

"He shows enormous potential."