Relationship Whisperer Pillows

"If you trust me how come you don't say so in your diary?"

"Is there a problem, Dear?"

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

Marriage Guidance Council

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

'Actually, Steve, I liked you better BEFORE you learned to express your true inner feelings.'

'She thinks I'm always trying to put her down, but what does she know?'

Relationship Issues.

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

"Is there something going on with you that I should know about?"

'I need some stroking, dammit!'

'We're not sure whose parents we want to live with.'

Interpreters.

"The secret to a good marriage son is to do most of the spring cleaning..."

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."

"He's dreaming about me, Doctor. I can always read his cute expressions."

"Your silence tells me that you agree - we don't spend enough time together."

'I never talk to her because I don't want to interrupt her.'

'I have a confession to make Gordon, I'm gay!'

"Ever since I got married women find me attractive."

"Nothing's wrong with the club I sold you. Maybe you're just not her type."

"... And he never talks to me. Mind you he always was a bit tongue-tied around beautiful women."

'You always insist on having the last word.'

"Perhaps when you have a chance, you could tell me why you think your marriage drifted apart?"

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

"What - you can't fly and you can't lay eggs??! And you say that now?!"

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"We have lived together for years but he still isn't much of a talker. I only hope that one day I actually find out what his name is."

"I just found your new year's resolutions...And none includes having sex with me!"

"Please Dad, if he doesn't marry me, he'll end up making some other girl miserable."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Roommates"

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"