People Whisperer Pillows

'Sir, as a communications expert, I know how to handle problematic people. Sometimes it's enough to tell them that I'm an expert in martial arts too.'

'So, I see you're a good listener.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

Man and Machine snoozing

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"Can you help me? I'm having a little trouble working the shredder."

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

Information might travel at the speed of light, but the news still travels at the speed of sound bites.

"For gosh sakes, Mike! Will you please quit interrupting me while I eavesdrop on Mary's gossipy remarks to Bill during Jean's important presentation?"

'I've started an Employee Recognition Program. I know who you are.'

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

Factory foreman says: 'Sometimes the machines here do try to take over the world. Last week the coffee maker even had a go.'

Soft Speaker, Loud Speaker, Deafening Speaker

'It has been brought to my attention that some of us are not working at maximum efficiency.'

"What setting do I use for this?"

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

Depending on somebody else to do something right phobia: 'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'

"How's the computer analysis going?"

'If I need emergency assistance with this program, do I type 911?'

He's more into the spoken word stuff.