Crowd Whisperer Pillows

"It's not the crowd control that worries me...it's the changing ends at half time"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Man and Machine snoozing

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'There's a teddy and a pony... and that one looks like medulla oblongata!'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

"Can you help me? I'm having a little trouble working the shredder."

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"

Plug Me In Stupid

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.