Marriage Whisperer Pillows

"Are you still going to love me when we're old and divorced."

Darling, we really should talk some time."

'I wanted 'Mr Right', not 'Mr Always-bloody-right'!'

'Is that opinion accredited?'

'Any time I ask him to do anything around the house he always has the same response.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

Relationship Issues.

'He's never there for me.'

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"He takes after your mother"

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"Living brings up a lot of issues for him."

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

Interpreters.

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'A work in Progress.'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."