Romantic Rival Pillows

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'What we'll do for love is nothing compared to what we'll do for aggravation.'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

Two men with tattoos of Amy

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."

"At least you're a good loser, John."

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

'Our competition is quite energetic.'

Tug the Toggle

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

'Friends are important...but you need enemies to keep your edge.'

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

Therapist wearing a Yankees' cap talks with an upset patient wearing a Mets cap.

On the start position

"Don't call me ska face!"

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race, 1870 - Crews before Boarding

'Of course I've been considering your proposal - You're on the short list '.

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

The Chicken and the Egg

'Looks like we're going to have to settle this by having a fish-off.'

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

"Of course I'm jealous of your last girlfirend Barry, have you seeen the hunk she's with now?"