Romantic Rejuvenator Gifts

"Yoo-hoo. Time to climb the stairway to paradise."

"How am I this morning? Frankly, Mister Never-Around, I'm as horny as the middle-school band."

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

We really need to put the mystery back into this relationship... why don't you disappear?

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

"I love what you've done with him."

New life (organ donation)

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

It was worth a try, but I'm afraid the thrill is still gone, Harold.

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

Woman does a strip tease on a remote control.

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

'You know I can never stay mad at you. Get in here, ya big galoot.'

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

'We need to twerk.'

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."