Relationship Revitalizer Gifts

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

I can rise from the ashes like a phoenix only so many times!

"You know, lately I've been fantasizing about having a twosome."

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

It was worth a try, but I'm afraid the thrill is still gone, Harold.

'We need to twerk.'

Agatha tried desperately to spice up her marriage. 'And where, ma'am, would you like that tattoo?'

'Maybe we could do something INTERACTIVE tonight?'

Colleen makes a last-ditch effort to spice up her marriage.

Woman does a strip tease on a remote control.

"Politics is ruining your marriage? I can help...I'm a registered Independent!"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

She - Interpreter - He.

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

"I love what you've done with him."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Remember? I was sitting right up there when you came by and said 'Hi, beautiful!'"

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"I am staying ‘present,’ and presently she’s annoying me!"

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"What's wrong?"

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."