Risk Taser Pillows

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

On the brink.

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

'Storm'

'Perhaps we do need a plan 'B'.'

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

Babies

'Stop annoying the dog Andrew!'

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

The First Supper

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."

'Dad... He's still making faces at me!'

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street