Tension Tamers Pillows

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

When a nanosecond is forever.

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Tension filled the tent.

To do before Saturday...

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Secretive Weigh In.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Toys in the DVD Player.

Timber preservation

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

'Storm'

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

Babies

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."