Test Tamer Pillows

'I think prayer in schools is necessary as long as Mrs. Smith gives hard math tests.'

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"I got a 95% on the test. What did you get?"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Secretive Weigh In.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

To do before Saturday...

Busy office.

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

Dentist Training School.

'He left for the office in a bit of a temper!'

'Storm'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

Childhood Screen Addict

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Kid, I'm begging you, please stop farting."

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

You will do as I command...'It had a power surge.'

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

"It seems that every time I get rid of those last stubborn ten pounds, those darn girl scouts come around with their cookies!"