Tension Tamers Gifts

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

When a nanosecond is forever.

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Tension filled the tent.

Secretive Weigh In.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

To do before Saturday...

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Toys in the DVD Player.

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Timber preservation

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Babies

'Storm'

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"