Rideshare Satirist Gifts

Why did you cancel your Uber?

'So much for your new Satnav!'

I always play the GPS through the backseat speakers. That's were I'm used to receiving instructions.

Just drive in small circles, then drop me off by that bush. Poober.

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"I am using my GPS, but I spilled coffee on it which is why I'm really lost."

"That's weird. The app says to look for a Nissan Sentra."

"Am I a new parent? No, I'm a new Uber driver taking him to school."

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

"Giddyup."

"Hey look, pretty soon Uber is going to have flying cab service,"

'I'll be the designated driver - you be the designated texter.'

"EWE-BUR" "SHEAR-X"

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

"How much if I pedal?"

No Car Bar.

To make ends meet Santa becomes an Uber driver. Miami Beach, please!

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

"The Over-Sharing Economy"

Retirement became the obvious decision.

Witch steals a traffic man's Go sign.

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

"I heard about your new job . . . congratulations!"

He must use Uber. I heard you contact them when you want to be picked up.

Road Work Ahead

"Scuber?"

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

The Privatization of the MTA.

It appears his GPS isn't working properly.

Rail PLC - 'We're investing in bottlenecks.'

Who Are the Idiots?

"Do you mean three hundred million dollars on top of what we already have here, or three hundred million dollars including what we already have here?"