Revenge Plot Schemer Gifts

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Okay, on the count of three we fight back. One. . . Two. . .'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"In the hat! In the hat!"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

Snail trap

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"It's a setup."

Deer about to cut rope of gun being lifted to hunter in tree.

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'Life's too short to hold grudges.' 'No it's not! You just need to organize your time better.'

'I must admit I'm uneasy over the policy of offenders meeting their victims.'

Valentine Comix

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

Live Bait.