Retired Runner Gifts

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"I quit."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'We decided to get out and spend the kids inheritance. Unfortunately they insisted on coming with us!'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'I bronzed his first pair of running shoes.'

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

Rugby golden oldies.

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

(Retired) Jockeying for position.

"So, what did you used to do?"

The circular nature of running wear.

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'Harvest moon'

'Who's idea was it to run backwards to Christmas for charity?'

I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years.

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

Helium Parachute