Retired Athletes Gifts

"I remember when saying a ballplayer was juicing meant he chewed tobacco."

Another Use for Retired Sumo Wrestlers

I like the Jets...I guess

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"I quit."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

Rowing - Eights / After Eights.

'We decided to get out and spend the kids inheritance. Unfortunately they insisted on coming with us!'