Aging Athlete Gifts

'The difference between retirement and old age is where you put the ice.'

STRIP *The Fan * "Let Garry McAllister be you inspiration."

Suddenly, at age 40...

Gary turns 40.

I thought my knees would be the first thing to go, but it was my wife.

"You've still got it Joao."

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Portrait of a Lady"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Yearbook

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Bullseye!

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Monica Seles

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'