Sports Retirees Gifts

'They wanted us to take the knee before kick off, but I was worried half of us might not be able to get up again'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Gary turns 40.

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"I quit."

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

'Not now Kato!'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

Old Dog's Home

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

"You've still got it Joao."

He was forced to take early retirement.

Senior Olympics

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.