Aging Athletes Gifts

"My trouble is—by the time I get warmed up, I'm all pooped out."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Portrait of a Lady"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Yearbook

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Bullseye!

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Monica Seles

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'