Senior Athlete Gifts

Senior Olympics

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

The drug test showed no prescription painkillers in his system, so we had to suspend him. OFF. 7. 7. 8.

Now that my knees are bad, I only chase pickleballs.

Nice custom job, Bill!

6 Yard Dash with only three competitors.

I like the Jets...I guess

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Gary turns 40.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Senior PGA Moment.

Pensioner's Romance

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Rowing - Eights / After Eights.

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,