Sporty Seniors Gifts

'Me retire? Never!!!'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I'm with grandad now - yeah, he's fighting fit."

Old Frogs' Home

Pensioner's Romance

'...makes a change from the zimmer frames!'

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

Senior Olympics

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.

Nice custom job, Bill!

'Didn't anyone tell you this is an old people's home?'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

As a louder and more satisfying alternative to clapping, Lily uses her bingo wings.

Seniors Pro (putt putt) Golf Tour.

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

'The last time he jogged past the cemetery, the gravediggers tried to bury him'