Retired Player Gifts

"I quit."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

Happy Retirement

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

"...but after they hired Vanna White instead of me things really got interesting."

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

'I see the SAGA talent scouts are here.'

"I once loved a parade."

"You've still got it Joao."

Another use for retired sumo wrestlers: Roundabout ahead.