Retirement Rookie Gifts

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'

Retirement Presentation - ...try and get a hobby so you won't be calling back to see us.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

'What do you mean retired? You're only four years old!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"I quit."

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

Old Dog's Home

'Lager Lout'- 'Saga Lout'

Beard, socks and sandals.

Retireee sits at desk on beach

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

"I'd prefer this to a gold watch any day."

Rugby golden oldies.

'Whether I work in the public or private sector, save my retirement benefits.'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."