Retirement Rookies Gifts

'I've been retired a month and I already hate the game.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'What do you mean retired? You're only four years old!'

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"I quit."

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

'Not now Kato!'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

Old Dog's Home

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"

"Not much is known about them. They apparently, had a highly advanced, thriving civilization. Then one August, everyone left the city and never returned."

He was forced to take early retirement.

Retireee sits at desk on beach

'Whether I work in the public or private sector, save my retirement benefits.'

"Some of you have opted for the Early Retirement Package."

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Rugby golden oldies.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'