Retired Football Player Gifts

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Now what?!'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"I quit."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

"I once loved a parade."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

'Personal Fowl, number 83...'

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"You've still got it Joao."

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Not scream, you morons! I said screen pass! Set up a screen pass!'

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Rugby golden oldies.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

Tom Brady retires after finally seeing his shadow

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

'Ooh... Bless you!'

(Retired) Jockeying for position.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'