Retired Football Player Gifts

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Now what?!'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"I quit."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"You've still got it Joao."

"I once loved a parade."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

'Personal Fowl, number 83...'

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Not scream, you morons! I said screen pass! Set up a screen pass!'

Tom Brady retires after finally seeing his shadow

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

Rugby golden oldies.

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

(Retired) Jockeying for position.

'Ooh... Bless you!'

'That was some hit!'