American Football Player Gifts

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

'Now what?!'

"Remember – slow-mo replay adds at least twenty pounds."

'Harold has a difficult time accepting constructive criticism.'

The Quarterback

'Once,just once, I'd like to come to work and not have to deal with all the pushing and shoving...'

'Personal Fowl, number 83...'

'Today's session will be on bail bondsman.'

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

'Why, those dirty... The coin toss was a trap! They've taken our team captains hostage!'

'That was some hit!'

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

'Hold everything. The coach is texting in a new play...'

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

Church for sports worshipers.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

The trauma of losing.

If nobody had invented graphics