American Football Gifts

'Voila! ... Concussion-proof!'

U.S. vs United Kingdom Football Match

'If you want to play in this league, Wilson, you've got to learn to play with pain!'

'Did you bring the tackle?'

"It's a game of power, speed, agility, and grace, but, most of all, Tom, it's a game of points."

Pessimists v Optimists.

'I think I can...'

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

'Excuse me, coach - but are we the hugs or the kisses?'

'This is getting spooky. Their defence always seems to know what our offence is going to do before the ball is even...'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

'I don't need an agent. I negotiated my own contract for ten million...Ten dollars a month for a million years.'

'We're going back to basics...This is a football.'

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

'Focus on the kick, and forget about all the seven-foot tall kick blockers they have.'

'I'm sick and tired of being kicked around.'

'Listen up! Me and Everyone else will run for our lives. Dewey You stay back and block.'

Refereeing Stages.

Another motorist fails the field spiral test.

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'I'm rooting for the Chargers this year. I hear they have the lowest long-term debt-to-capitalization ratio in the entire NFL.'

1923 - The famous 'Flying Wedgie' formation.

"My mom makes me wear it."

Colts Win!!!

A football player catching a turkey

Speed Trumps Size.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

Lizard running with football.

A angel wearing a helmet poised to throw a football down from heaven.

'I'm from the First Infidelity Bank. I noticed you people drafted Tim Tebow in the first round last year and I'm here to talk to you about overdraft protection.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

The NFL is forced to add a new penalty to the rule book.

'I like these helmets. They make you hard to kiss.'

'How's that kidney transplant going?... I need him back on the field - pronto!'