American Football Player Pillows

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

'Now what?!'

"Remember – slow-mo replay adds at least twenty pounds."

'Harold has a difficult time accepting constructive criticism.'

The Quarterback

'Once,just once, I'd like to come to work and not have to deal with all the pushing and shoving...'

'Personal Fowl, number 83...'

'Today's session will be on bail bondsman.'

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

Michael Vick's House.

'Why, those dirty... The coin toss was a trap! They've taken our team captains hostage!'

'That was some hit!'

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

'Hold everything. The coach is texting in a new play...'

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Bowled over again!

Fly Football

Church for sports worshipers.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

The trauma of losing.