Professional Football Player Pillows

"Today a pro football player said he did not stand for the national anthem because his closed head injury makes him dizzy when he stands up."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Punt Cake

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Bears

Saving a Heart

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"Uptight End"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Currently Boston

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Centaur Forward

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

The Goalkeeper

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Football Crazy strip six