American Footballer Gifts

"My mom makes me wear it."

'... Bailey, squashed. Monroe, legs ripped off. Gutierrez,squashed. Sengelmann, squashed. Binegar, legs ripped off...'

101 uses of a dead cat: shoulder pads

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Church for sports worshipers.

Bowled over again!

Fly Football

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Punt Cake

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Football Chameleon

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'