Retired Coach Gifts

'Some men find better things to do with their time.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Reach for the Star.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Go! Means NOW!

Time Is Money

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Back to school.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Bears

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race