Retired Academic Gifts

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

K9 Literati

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I'm a retired doctor."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"I quit."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

Where Are They Now?