Retired Writer Gifts

'I'm afraid Raymond waited a bit to long to write his memoirs.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"I quit."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"I once loved a parade."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

When scientists come out of retirement.

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

Rugby golden oldies.

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

Bumper Stickers for Seniors.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'Ooh... Bless you!'

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

(Retired) Jockeying for position.