Quitting Coach Gifts

'I need a cure for smoking, doc.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Reach for the Star.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Time Is Money

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Go! Means NOW!

The trauma of losing.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Back to school.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

Bears

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."