Breakup Coach Gifts

'But why, Brenda?! Why can't it work out?!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

'Lost that loving feeling. If found, call 555-1234.'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"It's not you-it's me."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Arouse Me!"

The breakup

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"Hey, Honey, our life cycle is too short to play hard to get."

'Is it possible to turn him back into a frog?'

"I might remind you, John, that 'Lorraine never stops yakking' is not yet grounds for divorce in the state of Ohio."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

The band was really swinging, providing a nice cover for Andrew and Carolyn's argument.

'He looks set in his ways, but I can change him.'

Tough Love Birds

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

Squawk! The parrot goes or I go! The parrot goes or I go! Squawk!

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

'Sorry Bruce, but we have to stop seeing each other: I've changed, you have to understand...'