Divorce Coach Gifts

"I'm hoping to buy back everything I lost in the divorce at the garage sale she's having."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

Joint Ventures!

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"He snores from October to May!"

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Busting balls since 1983.'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'... And just in case it doesn't work out, here's my card. I'm also a very good divorce lawyer.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'