Divorce Strategist Gifts

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

Joint Ventures!

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"He snores from October to May!"

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'Busting balls since 1983.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'... And just in case it doesn't work out, here's my card. I'm also a very good divorce lawyer.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"I submit to the committee the document of your unfinished screenplay, is it your testimony today that you told your wife it would be finished by now?"