Breakup Strategist Gifts

'It's not you, it's me.'

Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.

How to end a relationship.

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"It's not you-it's me."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

"I told him that I was leaving, that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork...he asked me to fill out an exit report!"

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

When Dick quit, he walked off with the company Slushy fund!'

"I gotta go. I see an opening in the maelstrom."

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"Recently separated."

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."