Divorce Counselor Gifts

Vladimir and Lyudmila Putin get a divorce.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"You've changed."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship Warning Lights

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."