Divorce Attorney Gifts

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'

'Your wife's lawyer was damn good. Your prenup is still in effect down here.'

"As bigots, let us frown upon same sex marriage. As solicitors, let us enjoy the handsome fees same sex divorce will generate!"

'It looks as if they want an out of court settlement.'

"Reconciliation? Are you crazy? Think about all your pain and suffering! Think about my retainer!"

"Do you still have the receipt from your wedding?"

"We can't get those wasted years back, Mrs. Kerner. The best we can hope to accomplish is to make his remaining years miserable."

Joint Ventures!

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"Which half would you like?The car debt or the house debt?"

Divorce Court: High Five Area.

Call your lawyer.

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'Don't you just long for a case of good old sexual transgression rather than inappropriate blogs,tweets and chats ?'

Your wife gets the house, you get the car, and I get the money.

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"Your wife wants to settle out of court"

'Okay, then I get the Corvette ... '

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'But, Your Honor,she kept the Rottweiler, and left me the Lhasa Apso!'

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'I'm afraid I specialize in the Law of the Jungle. Let me give you the name of a colleague who handles divorce.'

"Half a kingdom you promised me."

Divorce settlement

"We'd like a change of venue... from each other."

"He eats whatever he wants and never gains weight? Well, that's grounds for divorce right there!"

"I reject your demand that we agree to disagree."

"I have to admit my wife had the better lawyer. When the divorce was final, she got custody of my mistress!"

"She’s getting the house and cars, but you get to retain all your unique streaming services passwords."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"Unfortunately, 'saying it with flowers' is legally binding."

Bradbury, Cavalli, Lennon & Kleiner: Her Lawyers

"That's cool. My parents never fight over me."

Child's Balloon: Jerome & Reems Divorce Attorneys