Divorce Attorney Gifts

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'

'Your wife's lawyer was damn good. Your prenup is still in effect down here.'

"As bigots, let us frown upon same sex marriage. As solicitors, let us enjoy the handsome fees same sex divorce will generate!"

'It looks as if they want an out of court settlement.'

"Reconciliation? Are you crazy? Think about all your pain and suffering! Think about my retainer!"

"Do you still have the receipt from your wedding?"

Divorce Court: High Five Area.

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"Your wife wants to settle out of court"

'Don't you just long for a case of good old sexual transgression rather than inappropriate blogs,tweets and chats ?'

"Half a kingdom you promised me."

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"I reject your demand that we agree to disagree."

'I'm afraid I specialize in the Law of the Jungle. Let me give you the name of a colleague who handles divorce.'

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

"Which half would you like?The car debt or the house debt?"

'Okay, then I get the Corvette ... '

Divorce settlement

'But, Your Honor,she kept the Rottweiler, and left me the Lhasa Apso!'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"We'd like a change of venue... from each other."

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'They completely exploded during the session, so either of them should be eager to hire you. Remember, I get 10 percent!'

Call your lawyer.

"We can't get those wasted years back, Mrs. Kerner. The best we can hope to accomplish is to make his remaining years miserable."

"He eats whatever he wants and never gains weight? Well, that's grounds for divorce right there!"

Your wife gets the house, you get the car, and I get the money.

Joint Ventures!

'Your wife got the house and the puppies.. but I managed to get you all the buried bones.'

'My trial marriage was dismissed for lack of evidence.'

"Since when do you have fact checkers?"

"Divorce, like life, Mrs Horgan, is what you make of it."

"It wasn't enough being a free range chicken. Now he wants to be a free sex chicken."