Divorce Lawyer Gifts

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

Well I'm not sure if you are aware...but the house is currently in your husband's name.

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

'Look, if this is to be an amicable divorce, one of you will have to back down and take custody of the children.'

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

Divorce cases settled Fairly Here

'Oh, this? I got this in the divorce.'

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'Your wife got the house, but I did manage to get you custody of the mortgage payments.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'If you dislike the term 'divorce' that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

'No, I really don't know how much I'm worth - but I'm sure my wife's divorce lawyer does.'

Filing for Divorce.

'I think we'll go for somewhere between 'amicable' and 'messy'...'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'

'Divorces ‘R Us' is etched in stone on a courthouse.

"… and just how much blood can we get out of this turnip?"

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

"They're having a price war."

That's the worst part of divorce, splitting up the property.

'Now comes the hard part. . . who gets which facebook friends. . .'

'I want to divorce my wife on the grounds of illness...I'm sick of her.'

'The doctor recommended something to help with my depression.'

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

'What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?'

'The glass is half-full divorce lawyers, , , The glass is empty bankruptcy attorneys,'

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'