Divorce Lawyer Pillows

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

Well I'm not sure if you are aware...but the house is currently in your husband's name.

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

'Look, if this is to be an amicable divorce, one of you will have to back down and take custody of the children.'

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

Divorce cases settled Fairly Here

'Your wife got the house, but I did manage to get you custody of the mortgage payments.'

'Oh, this? I got this in the divorce.'

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'If you dislike the term 'divorce' that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

'I think we'll go for somewhere between 'amicable' and 'messy'...'

Filing for Divorce.

'No, I really don't know how much I'm worth - but I'm sure my wife's divorce lawyer does.'

"… and just how much blood can we get out of this turnip?"

'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

'Divorces ‘R Us' is etched in stone on a courthouse.

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"Don't be so glum, Mr.Lee. These days over one in three marriages end in divorce. Try looking at it another way. You're lucky, - all the other ones end in death!"

'... And just in case it doesn't work out, here's my card. I'm also a very good divorce lawyer.'

"So it's agreed, she keeps the castle and you get to see the tadpoles every second weekend."

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

"Well, so much for 'My solicitor will speak to your solicitor'."

"It's Vernon's belief that divorce should be fun."

"Is he a good alimony risk?"

Law Office of Splitt & Runn: "We Help You Hit the Delete Marriage Button."

Happy Valentines Day

'I wish you had tried to screw me this much while we were married.'

If I wanted a fair settlement I wouldn't have hired you.