Breakup Buff Gifts

The breakup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

The prying mantis,

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Blues artis's daily list

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

'I was dumped by my girlfriend.'