Band Breakup Buff Gifts

'I didn't know they'd split up.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"That is an outrageous slur."

"I can't believe he brought her."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Piano Keyboard

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Yo! Emmett Kelly raps! (with ringmaster flash)

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'At least I don't have his life.'