Breaking Up Gifts

"Let's face it - our relationship is doomed."

"It'll never work. You're a dog person and I'm a cat person."

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

'Well, sometimes Lauren likes to travel rolled up in a carpet in the boot. She's funny that way.'

"The reason I'm singing the national anthem, Steve, is that I'm signing off now."

"I think we're entering the dimished marginal utility phase of our relationship."

Call your lawyer.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"I'm leaving you for a cracker."

"Baldo...me and you...well, we've never been that serious. I mean, we hardly see each other anymore, especially since you got that job."

Woman going to wash partners car with wire wool.

Teach her the Meaning of D.I.Y.

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation